Continued:
I am writing this down to record down my thoughts. It is to see whether I am making sense or not. Also it releases me from angst. I come to this blog Only when I am upset or depressed. If you haven't realized it already. It's my heart dartboard.
Part2 creative differences:
Many times, it's my strong preference for a certain style of doing something or way of doing things that irks others.
I think this is creative difference issue. Everyone likes different things, everyone thinks different things are shit. My constant bug is during an assignment or in a team collaborative, how much of my opinion is better than someone else?
Sure I might boast to have better portfolio/ grade to back my stance as a designer blah. But how much does it matter in a collaborative? How much objectivity is there when you are working with someone else really? Unless the other is a colleague or a professional, with heirarchy to articulate the position of me and another, i cannot seem to make out the outcome at the end of the day. I always end up making a conscious effort to accept what i make out as 'uglier' designs or wait for someone to realize him/herself that it is indeed an uglier design. I realized that group work slows me down as an artist. I wish u understand I have the right to say that.
You know when i work in a team, there will always be workload distribution. I am commonly shockd by the fifference in expectation and the level of intellext the choces made by some people. Adapting and comprehending the level of ignorance or slowness is a gripe I have with the general society.
I wonder if ever when I am given the big opportunity, would i be able to fitmyself beyond the level of people i am living in.
I tell them to write a write up, they write 10 words that explain nothing. Letting go of a 'better' look over an uglier look is often forced out of me. Though i am starting to realise that sonetimes i can be wrong. Other times I agree or am in love with someone else's style and would stick to that idea. Which happens a lot. I'm a fan boy sometimes.
Wednesday
Arguments are lame
In this quick fast moving world. Maybe just this even quicker faster period of time where my every thought process ripples move rapidly than ever, I have come to realize exactly, the kind of emotional environment I would want to have.
I find myself drawn to 2 things in which the first I would write today.
Firstly: People who can handle an argument.
I would say I offend people in an interesting way. People can't stand me cos I am stuck up/I am proud of myself. I am Fully conscious of it to the point that I always consciously TRY to restrain and also 'bite my tongue' to prevent myself from saying good things about what I am good at on appropriate moments. My talents are like a curse to keep. Like I am made to be humble and keep it low profile. Thing is, this is just conforming to social etiquette.
Sometimes it's just my opinion that people belittle with disgust and disregard. They think I think I know everything by saying what I say.
They cannot handle my wit or often direct feedback. sure. I sound like a smart ass. Or 'pig' as someone called me once for being honest. I have one thing to say for this. It's my opinion. I can be wrong. Tell me why I am wrong nicely. I might even agree with your reason.
I have a good friend who I confide with occasionally who I would say have gone into deep conversations with. He isn't passive. In fact he is more stubborn than me. This is only because of the fact that we both have a matured mutual understanding of each other's opinion. It is often hard to be at first but when phrases like ' I know where you are coming from' and 'I respect your perspective on the issue' comes in from me and you, The universe is in the palm of our hands I tell you, conversations become flowing tapestrys, beautiful, rich and insightful.
I wish people can reach this conversational plateau with me more often than I am getting right now. It's the only thing I look up for in people now.
Just about every other thing about people and their mannerisms suck.
But hey, that's my opinion.:)
I find myself drawn to 2 things in which the first I would write today.
Firstly: People who can handle an argument.
I would say I offend people in an interesting way. People can't stand me cos I am stuck up/I am proud of myself. I am Fully conscious of it to the point that I always consciously TRY to restrain and also 'bite my tongue' to prevent myself from saying good things about what I am good at on appropriate moments. My talents are like a curse to keep. Like I am made to be humble and keep it low profile. Thing is, this is just conforming to social etiquette.
Sometimes it's just my opinion that people belittle with disgust and disregard. They think I think I know everything by saying what I say.
They cannot handle my wit or often direct feedback. sure. I sound like a smart ass. Or 'pig' as someone called me once for being honest. I have one thing to say for this. It's my opinion. I can be wrong. Tell me why I am wrong nicely. I might even agree with your reason.
I have a good friend who I confide with occasionally who I would say have gone into deep conversations with. He isn't passive. In fact he is more stubborn than me. This is only because of the fact that we both have a matured mutual understanding of each other's opinion. It is often hard to be at first but when phrases like ' I know where you are coming from' and 'I respect your perspective on the issue' comes in from me and you, The universe is in the palm of our hands I tell you, conversations become flowing tapestrys, beautiful, rich and insightful.
I wish people can reach this conversational plateau with me more often than I am getting right now. It's the only thing I look up for in people now.
Just about every other thing about people and their mannerisms suck.
But hey, that's my opinion.:)
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