raintree

Antique Shop

Inner Haji Lane, Singapore.

I have not commited the unpardonable sin la. and i have just been art inspired by random journey to miscellanious places today. it complies of coloured pencils and black BIC pens. anyway:

Frogboyness says:
the outram story you told me abt is not like any royston tan film lor
Frogboyness says:
he wld make them have oral sex on the train then kill each other.
Frogboyness says:
and shave each other's pubic hair
..:: ::.. says:
the initial story according to my fren had lots of sex
Frogboyness says:
is it royston tan -like?
..:: ::.. says:
then they rewrote
Frogboyness says:
uhuh
Frogboyness says:
to what
..:: ::.. says:
to smth more decent
Frogboyness says:
then its JACK NEO RAINTREE PICTURES LA pls

the end.

flow

Chinatown, Singapore

i am officially sick of sashimi and buffets. i ate 1000000 buffets in various hotels and crusines for a lifetime. just yesterday i ate at grand mercure roxy hotel's buffet, food was excellent (not as good as oscars though.) but i only ate one and a half plate. i was on the verge of vomiting. when i burp, my chest hurt. my parents got scared and i was like whatever. i cannot eatbuffets anymore.

my job is getting more and more retarded. cos of my safety poster design thingy being awarded 1st prize, i have been picked (on) by the big boss to design 10000000000000 stuff to spruce up the image of our uni t. hence i have 'for show' posters to do and design other informative sheets. sigh. i'll have to do till i o r d.

i have recently been called by s a f s a to play what i did in college. training's next week at changi. i will do my worst(aka normal cos i trained only for 1 working year and not swam for 1 working year after As till present) and maybe they will drop me. but they seem desperate so i'll see what happens. i am already busy and dying of lack of sleep thanks to my job and i can see not much possibility i can endure any more extra work like those stated above.

iphone

got one.
2 more to go.

wanting and loving

Emily and Chris both 17, are childhood friends who developed into lovers. Emily just pushed Chris away again after some heavy petting in the backseat of his car.

“Do you have any idea,” Chris said, his voice soft, “any idea at all, how much I want you?”
She bit her lip. “Wanting isn’t the same as loving.”
He laugh startled “Are you joking? I’ve loved you for-well Christ, for my whole life. It’s the wanting part that’s new to me.” He stroked Emily’s temple with his thumb. “Wanting isn’t the same as loving,” he agreed. “But they might as well be, at least for me.”
“Why?” Emily managed.
Chris smiled at her, melting her strongest defences. “Because wanting you Em,” he said. “has only made me love you that much more.”

(Page 223, The Pact, Jodi Picoult )

object of desire

$97 lomocam.
want.

a walk to remember

outram secondary school
commonwealth, singapore.

royston tan VS melvin tan

Knowing Royston tan is coming out with a new short film called ‘finding love in SARS’ or something like that, I decided to use his settings to create a story too. Apparently, It will be of a relationship between a young man and an old woman who found love in a public toilet during the sars period. He is using the cast of 881 again which I strongly dislike so I do hope it turns out good. Erm so here goes my outline of MY version of ‘Love in SARS’

Finding love in sars
By Melvin tan
Idea by Royston Tan
PS: very raw edit and not even considered a story. its an outline.

The old lady in her 60s was happy today. The person in charge has called her that now she had to clean the toilets everyday from now on till further notice. To her this meant more money to pay her bills for her one room flat she lives in all by herself. So that morning she cleaned her sheets, ate 3 pieces of biscuits by the bedside from the tin. Swept the floor and left the door with her duffle bag and umbrella 5.30am sharp.

Far away in another block of flats a young man was wearing his tie in front of the mirror. He woke up with a sore throat today and vowed himself not to eat anymore mee pok for the month. He practiced his winning smile and then tightened his belt. He was getting ready for work. Mother called and he proceeded out of his bedroom and kissed her good morning. Both of them sat at the dining room. There was fried bee hoon with an omelette set on the table for him. His mother had a distressed look on her face.

Ma. Are you okay?
Ya I am. It’s your father. After he came back from the trip, he has been very sick. I met him yesterday and the doctors said he did not look too well. There were whispering among them. The doctors looked worried about something. I don’t know what’s going on. The hospital was busy.
Dad will be all right la.
I hope so. You better take care too you know. Many people getting sick these days. Have you watched the news?
I will take care mum.

The young man left the house with his briefcase. In the train, his throat begun to itch and he loosened his tie and cleared his throat. The woman next to him walked away briskly and he eyed her. Suddenly he regurgitated a cough that left an itch which made him cough a couple more. This stirred the people around him. They began to back away and many got off the train at the next stop. He blushed and controlled his urges to cough. He was perplexed and offended by their actions. At tanjong pagar station, he got down and headed to his workplace. His cough was getting worse. Then a huge banner caught his eyes. SARS and its symptoms was written on it. It wrote a stern warning and something donned upon the young man. He bought the local newspaper. 'SARS outbreak all citizens be vigilant' was the headlines. The man read the 5 page special on this breaking news about the newly confirmed epidemic. “Initial symptoms of Severe acute respiratory syndrome are flu like and may include: fever, myalgia, lethargy, gastrointestinal symptoms, cough, sore throat and other non-specific symptoms. In most cases symptoms appear within 2–3 days.” The young man’s fear climbed up his spine and exploded in him. He panicked and didn’t know what to do.
It cannot be. He said to himself but it was followed by another series of coughs. He had a sorethroat and was increasingly tired despite a good night sleep. He read about quaranting and isolation wards and decided to isolate himself for the safety of everyone immediate to him. He dashed to find seclusion. He turned a corner and into an alley. He came out towards another series of office buildings and saw a public toilet. An old lady was seated at the entrance, fanning herself and arranging the packets of tissue paper. He dashed into the toilet and into a cubicle.

The old lady shouted after him to pay ten cents for entry but eventually gave up for this was not the first time someone took advantage of her age and defied the payment set per entry. It was only ten cents she mumbled as she counted the few coins alrready on the table. Maybe he was urgent she apathetically reasoned to herself.

The young man sat down in the cubicle. He was frightened. He reread the symptoms and about those who died and actions to be taken. He brokedown. He switched off his handphone. He didn’t want his mother to know and add to her pain.

Ten minutes passed. Soon, twenty and the old lady was puzzled for the young man has not yet left the toilet. She thought awhile and soon understood why. She took 2 packets of tissue paper and went knocking on his cubicle. You need tissue is it? Na. Free. Take. She outstretched her arm below the closed door. But there was silence.

The young man was huddled inside silent and afraid. Coughing and shivering.

The old lady began to feel concerned for this man in the cubicle for he didn’t seem to need the tissue paper for he did not accept her offer. She wanted to help him. She deicded to pick the locked door and hence did and she pushed open the door. The sight was awfully pathetic. A young man wearing smart business clothes was huddled in a corner beside the toilet bowl, sniffing and coughing profusely. His eyes were swollen when he looked up.

Instinctively, the old lady felt very concerned and responsible for this poor chap and advanced towards him.
Don’t! shouted the young man in a hoarse voice.
Don’t talk nonsense you look sick let me help you. She touched his forehead. It was hot.
He hit her hand away. Stop. Go away from me! He shouted. He was scared of infecting her. He squeezed himself deeper into the corner. Please.I’m very sick. Go away now. in mandrin. The more he said the closer she got to him. She felt very bad for him.
I’m sorry. He said pathetically. There was nothing he could do to get this kind lady away from him now. She took the tissue and dabbed cold water onto his forehead to subdue his rising fever. He felt dizzy and tired. She moved his position away from the pipes and toilet bowl and leaned him on the toilet wall. She massaged his back and forehead. After which she told him to rest while she closed the entire male toilet so as to keep people from streaming in to use it for the moment. She then took the coins from the table outside to buy a packet of hot milo for the poor young man. When she returned, he obeyed her orders and drank it.
During th evening when she closed the ladies toilet she had left to mend, she packed up and proceeded to his cubicle. She squeezed beside him and asked whether he was feeling better. His condition spoke for itself for he was much weaker and coughing frantically now. She placed a nice cold towel on his forehead now. She then sang to him an old melody her mother used to sing to her to make her feel better. He felt a warm tingling in his heart and leaned his head on her shoulder. Despite a throbbing head and a painful throat, the young man was calm and at peace for love helps pull people through the toughest times. On her shoulder and by her side, she was patting his chest and it was calming. Despite his pain, he managed to sleep through the night.

He did not seem to want to leave the toilet so the old lady decided to spend the night with him here for he was no good alone in such a condition.

The very next day, he woke up to greater pain in his head. He was sweating cold sweat despite a portable fan blowing directly at him straight in front. His shirt was already unbuttoned and belt loosened for him. He was more sick then ever. A pack of bee hoon was sitting beside his side and he ate a few mouth fulls before he realised he had no appitite for food. The old lady came in to check on him. She fed him. It was a torture for he refused to eat but after some time, the patient old lady managed to feed him full. He cried again. He was a mess. She hugged him and he cried in her arms. His moans riccochetted through the otherwise empty toilet. no one knew. She huddled closer and kissed him on the cheek. He looked at her and through everything they kissed.
That evening, she had set up a small altar in the cubicle next to his. She prayed fervently. He heard her cry for him in front of the altar. It wasn’t loud but a soft desperate cry for help. After what seemed like forever a prayer, the old lady who looked exhausted settled next to him and slept next to him again that night.
You don’t want to go home? He asked her with a hoarse soft voice he struggled to conjure.
For what?
Your family? He whispered and then coughed weakly.
I don’t have family la.
Silence.
You really should not be with me so much. He blurted.
You just rest okay.You need to be taken cared of. Sleep now. She ordered. She massaged his neck again. He coughed much more and sighed.

That night, they were huddled together. He was in a horrible state than the night before. His fever was peaking and he was sobbing again.
I love you.
I love you too boy.
Please-
-Shh. Quiet okay. Sleep.

The sound of the toilet’s ventilator rattled quietly at the side.

Her hand was around him as if literally protecting him from a physical harm. He huddled deep into her refuge. Then he thought of how she would soon have the same fate as his if she stayed longer. He felt horrible. But suddenly there was a thought: maybe it is still not too late and that if he ran away now she would not end up the same as him.She still is healthy. Maybe the disease has not spread to her yet. Hopes were running high in his weak body now. Initially he hid in the toilet because he didn’t want the rest of the world to catch his disease he knew he caught. Now he just didn’t want her to catch the disease he caught over the world. He had to leave the toilet this instant. He put her arms away and struggled to stand up. It was torturous. He limped his way to the sinks and inched his way towards the door but he lost balance and fell making a loud thud. The old lady woke up. He groaned.
Where are you going?
The young man cried. I don’t want you to die! I don’t want you to die!
She stood there staring at the pathetic young man.
Come here she said.
He cried on. She stroked his head and wiped away his tears. She kissed his cheek and hugged him.
I’ll be with you till you get well. Where did you want to go?
Please let me go he whimpered. He explained to her about his sickness.
I know. She said.
Then why did you stay with me?
Because from the moment I saw you I knew I had to take care of you.
Why? You’ll die too!
You wont die noone is dying.
No I will. You will.
There was silence.
Then she said from the moment I saw you. I want to die with you. I knew about SARS even before i met you that day. But I knew you were my purpose. My dying moment. The best way to end my bleak life. For the first time, the young man saw her cry.
He hugged her and kissed her. They huddled under the sinks and tried to sleep there.

The next day, the young man was awaken by some coughing that wasn’t his. He knew she caught it too but he was too weak then to say a thing or stroke her hair. He was short of breath and all he could do was hold onto her. She was clasping tightly back, interlocked, they waited…

to God i guess

Flaws And All
Beyonce

I'm a train wreck in the morning
I'm an ass in the afternoon
Every now and then without warning
I can be really mean towards You
I'm a puzzle yes in deed
Ever complex in every way
And all the pieces aren't even in the box
And yet, You see the picture clear as day.

[Chorus]
I don't know why You love me
And that's why I love You
You catch me when I fall
Accept me flaws and all
And that's why I love You [3x]

I neglect You when I'm working
When I need attention I tend to nag
I'm a host of imperfection
And you see past all that
I'm a peasant by some standards
But in your eyes I'm a king
You see potential in all my flaws
and that's exactly what I need.

[Chorus]
I don't know why You love me
And that's why I love You
You catch me when I fall
Accept me flaws and all
and that's why I love You [3x]

i lost my wallet.

diseased deceased

chinatown, singapore

i was AWFULLY sick a few days ago. still am slightly with consistant dihorrea and stomach pangs. it is severe food poisoning. NEVER eat anything you are unsure of for your body WILL teamup and attack you. I'm serious. i had an extreme stomach pain that made me loose abit of my consciousness. i had dihorrea like mad. my eyesight was all blurry and sparkly. i almost vomitted and was irrational in camp. i left the job and was sent to the base medical centre. my blood pressure was low and soon dropped quite abit and i could not be dealt with there so the medics sent me to another camp's medical centre at 7.30pm on a sunday. i was rolling and groaning on te chair/table/vehicle. it was a horrible ordeal. i went to the other base with better facilities. the doctor asked me questions and i could not give him a clear answer. then i vomitted all over the place. i was put on fast drips three times every 4 hour hour interval which hurt like crazy. i had high fever at 11pm and irrational tremblings of my whole body. stomach pains were burning and it felt like shit while i lay at a foreign place. my stomach will jab me with pain at odd timings like 1 am or 3.45am leaving me squirming in cold sweat. a medic slept nearby in case i needed help. i did need help a couple of times cos i did feel very horrible and felt like vomitting but i knew the time was 3.45am and it is bad to wake people up at 3.45am so i just gritted my teeth and endured. i could not even hold a thermometer in my mouth or sms anyone at times. oh the pain. it was great. first time in a long time i screamed to God for help for i was in a desperate situation. well God didnt really help much. but prayer was reassuring and calming at times. it gives hope and ditraacts. but healing depends on the medicene you get and your body's ability to fight off the virus. God simply heals the mind and brings better closure. it gives a name to give thanks to, it gives all the happy happy joy joy lalala to a simple virus attack. medics for your prof help THANKS. army friends who stayed up with me and sent me bible verse and offered listening ears THANK YOU. you guys seem to put in more effort in caring for me than God sometimes. God i hope what i'm saying is rubbish for i have yet to prove myself wrong in your realm of pretense and what not.

sickness did reassure me too remember to die YOUNG.

an afterthought:

why did i write that? how could i say things about God like that?

Am i too emotional/into a rebellious hype/attracting attention?

maybe give me a chance. just maybe what i am writing is pure plain raw reality.

emptiness echoes.

silence reigns.

barely breathing barely sane.

everyone mocks at your nakedness!

crumpled soul.

lonely heart.

ugly.

dead

"you're like a star that dies

and seem to keep on dying."

-juniorboys

chiaroscuro of smiles and frowns, doubts and pouts

have you fallen in love with a couple's love? try it one day.

submit your ego to failure
and the devil would be no where near you.
find comfort in comforts of this world.
for these comforts healthy or not
would be the most reliable source.
who needs eternal
when now is not even working.

The longest car ride.

Raw, unfinished and unedited.

Thursday, 25th March 2008. It was almost dark and deserted in Singapore’s central business district. Seven thirty and the homebound crowd have already subsided into the train and taxis except for some stragglers scurrying here and there. But panning our attention up a particular granite and glass skyscraper was a little lit room on the thirty forth floor of Citibank’s headquarters. In it was overtime for two people again at Citibank Management Sector. A young man Marcus who was head of accounting and a sweet lady Wendy, chief finance. It was the end of the financial year and documents had to closed. They slogged out side-by-side, passing papers and discussing about the bad debts and what not. Marcus bought Wendy supper a few days ago. Wendy thought it was a nice gesture and the day after, Wendy shared with him dinner from Simply Sandwich. Since then, they were in good social terms. But when it comes to work, work was work and they worked really hard. Today Marcus offered Wendy a ride home. Wendy felt this could just be it.

Marcus was a single twenty six year old who lost himself to his job. Lucky for him his hair had not begun to recede and sported a tasteful head of short hair. He usually maintained a sombre look as if all happiness was taken away from him. He wore a well-fitted long sleeve shirt, white with thin stripes tucked into black pants. He clasped onto a leather case and spotted a lingering smell of cheap musk. He could easily disappear into a crowd and no one will ever notice he ever existed or had once won gold medals for swimming, led parasailing in Temasek Junior College, plays the electric guitar well and was once in a band called The Pyramids.
Wendy was twenty-two. She donned short hair, a boring but tight white blouse with some detailing at the collar and a black pencil skirt, she fiddled with her purse and company ID card around her neck. An efficient accepting worker but she still loved her Nicholas Sparks books. A scholar from Hwa Chong Instituition, very bright and very pleasant a girl.

Marcus struggled with a huge bunch of keys trying to lock the doors, while Wendy waited beside the potted plant next to the elevator.

They entered the lift. Marcus was reading his hand phone . She looked about the mirrors on the ceiling and sides. She stared at his reflection. She thought of how he tucked his shirt into his pants tastefully. She looked at his black carrier case. Plain jet black, just like his shoes. His hair was short. He was well shaven and youthful. She noticed he looked up once just to count something in the air. He mumbled and wrote things down in his phone. The lift whirred.
It was level 15 and still descending.

Mark broke the silence. “I have to type the minutes for today’s meeting Wendy. I was thinking if you-”
“Do you need my assistance Mark? I could pop by your place and maybe make your coffee or something.”
“Wow that’d be- too much.” Chuckled marcus. “ I just need a copy of the handouts. I kinda left my copy in the cabinet.”
Silence reigned over.
“Have the letters come in yet”
“Well yes.” Wendy remarked.
“Any complains from the board?”
“No. No everything is fine and clear and dandy.”
“Right”
Silence was deafening again.
“Have our pay came?”
“No. Not yet.” Wendy said.
“Right.” Snapped Marcus.
“Yea. (cough) I almost forgot! (Wendy’s voice was suddenly filled with excitement. She rummages through her purse and takes out an old compact disc. Thanks for lending me this.”
“You enjoyed her? Suzanne Vega?”
Wendy giggled bashfully and nodded.
“Nice huh.” (smile of a carefree bachelor, staring at the album cover.)
“My name is luca…” Sang Marcus.
“I live on the second floor…” Sand Mark and Wendy in unison.
They laughed together and looked at each other’s happy faces. This was a change from their faceless decorum they wear everyday, silence reigned once again. Wendy wished the lift went on forever but the door opened.
50m away an old security guard stood up. They walked into a long yellow marble hallway. Company slogans illuminated by searing spotlights lined the walls. The houselights were switched off as it was the after hours. So was the air-con. They turned into the atrium that led to the car park.
Wendy inched closer to Marcus, struggling to keep up. All the while she was looking at Marcus Goh. Keeping his ID that was around his neck into his carrier case. Stuffing folded pieces of work into his shirt pocket.
The clucking of her hectic pumps echoed in the fluorescent carpark. It emphasizes the void they were walking through.
The black Mercedes C350 Saloon crouched like panther in its space silently waiting. Marcus beeped the button key and the sound ricocheted into the abyss of the architectural shadows. Wendy stood there clutching her wallet with her 2 hands. The vents of the car park made the most baritone noise against the silence. Well, not exactly if you can hear her thoughts. She was squirming inside looking at Marcus politely open his car door for her. Standing behind the door he opened. Waiting. He was very nice she thought. For opening the car door for her and all. And she really liked the car a lot. Soon the engine whirred alive and the journey home with Marcus began. She placed her soft palms on his light brown leather seat and explored its radius with her fingers. Silence was awkward but she had nothing to converse with him about. Is he feeling the same way? Because he was making her feel emotions exclusive to cupid’s chokehold. His Mercedes was deafeningly quiet and she could feel his unknowing breaths beside her. Her heart fluttered once more.

He glanced to the right looking at the oncoming traffic but all these movements always sparked her curiosity. She wanted to see more. His diverting eyes… Pursed lips… He didn’t know she was studying him so intently.

She ruffled her skirt a little higher. Pretended to scratch her nose just to unbutton her blouse’s top button. She pushed a tuft of hair and heaved it into position. Her sigh was unfortunately loud and unnecessarily attracted his attention.

“You feeling warm wendy?”

He was now making many short glances at her. He was looking at her. She panicked inside and tried to reply but nothing came out. She always planned everything she said to him. There was no chance to think then. She smiled nervously.

He smirked back with one hand still on the wheel and the other then adjusting the temperature settings of the car. He misinterpreted her smile as compliance for she was already cold with nerves and could not take more cold air.

“No actually I’m fine with it being at two.” She said. Sadly in an attempt to change the temperature back, she smacked his wrist and he instantly withdrew it in shock. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to.” She flustered.

“It’s alright. Yeah.” He replied and drove on.

Silence again. It tore her. She glanced haphazardly, screaming inside. What had she done? Had she offended him?

He glanced at her wondering what the matter was. She stared out diverting her eyes to the moving traffic that was a slow stagger at the highway. A slight jam due to a road block somewhere.

Wendy could not take the strain. She was bursting. She needed to tell Marcus something. He had to know something. She shifted under her seatbelt. She scratched her head. She clenched. The car got colder.

Marcus was getting worried about Wendy. He was now giving her constant glances. Was she sick? Does he need to pull over at the side? He was baffled. Marcus touched her arm and his warmth was transferred onto her and she gasped. Mark withdrew his hand again. Now he was really afraid. He shifted his position to face her and to her.Marcus was pulling to the side of the highway, saying, “Wendy you need to tell me what is wrong now?”

“Nothing, Marcus! Move on!”

“Wendy-are you sure?”

“Yes! Go! What are you doing?”

Marcus stayed in the same position, frowning in concern of her. She could not even dare look into his eyes now. She might blow up. It was too much contact with him in one day. She was fidgeting a lot and mark touched her forehead, attempting to check her body temperature to see if she was well. And her face melted with his touch.

She

st james

as you can see, i got abit seh towards the end. after a wedding dinner at vivo the only rational thing to do is to like...club. like duh. who doesnt right? so like...thats what we uh did lor. tiger live was really good minus the man who was pumping up the faggotry. going with nat amanda celestine and jeanette is even better than going with a bunch of erm army pp. and there was farris who made things so fun and erm free(drinks on rich). a pierre pang lookalike who was apparently totally into celest. by the hour, his hands crept into nooks and corners of celest's skinny frame god bless.
i am happy my dad has an iphone. not because i like the iphone but because i can have his samsung phone. and no amanda, i am not showing off my wealth. i was just showing you all how lame and overrated iphones are. PS: i don even know how to use one fully yet.

medley of happiness

the last pictures of a camera...

...

...

chilling out till late

another retarded day...

i recall the 40 dollared taxi ride home and the sad and dying snowman.

tim's com and vivo

i forgot to post this day retardacy and crazy antics

advert

i am searching for models to take photos of. promise of free meals. plus, you might be famous.

model: henry poh

location: raffles city underpass (peak hour).

experimenting: low shutter speed

lomograph your life now

look at us! henry arthur and me have been on numerous phototaking escapades. and this shot taken in the market of art at the CBD area. notice we all have different ways of holding a cam...

during these inspiring trips to various places, i have learnt so much! in particular was the trip to the central buisness district on a weekday. i saw people and their lives as a career person. at 6.15 they pour out simultaneously! and the way they dress, the tall buildings, their walk on the street of tall shiny buildings, the things they talk about as i evesdrop was awesome. the whole cityscape was sculpted for a busy workforce. from yakun kaya to starbucks(every 2 buildings seem to have one in it), i felt very excited about work life. it was so i don't know how to put it... but ya. within a short walk, we reach clark quay where fun loving workers would chill out there. how conveinient i thought. sadly i wont be a desk worker. i'll be an artist when i grow up so i will be dwelling in a very different scape. plus if ever i enter the work force, my romance with the environment is sure to fade. but for now, tanjong pagar and raffles place will be my dream hangout area. joy.

its been a while since i wrote something on this blog. but this is because i a long story called All You Bleed is Love and another story called The Longest Car Ride. Both stories are taking a toll on me and sometimes the mood is not right for literary magic to materialise and i get the writers block. i dont write exceedingly well but it is theraputic. plus i am training myself to complete a project from start to finish without giving up. its easier said then done.

i ditched grace assembly to attend city harvest church cell thanksgiving with fuzhi and malcom. malcom ditched us. their cell is damn big. anyhow, i had lots of fun. thanks to fz and new weird frens like peter... the atas group of ppl made me feel i was in a rich kid cattledrive. drinks were freeflow, cars were driven and houses were hugemongerous. i believe i was taboo king that night where we played till 6am the next morning. i like ppl with no curfew. other than marilyn, i owned them all. cell was not religious. it is the bond the people share that matters.

i am losing my religion but at the start of this year, i have hopes things will get better. God will never understand this for he was never a real human.

work work work

Central Business District, Singapore.

waiting for death

Chinatown,Singapore.