to britney

Dear Britney,
i love you. i love you more when you are reckless and wasted. as i always love to shout out: there is method in madness! to hell with trying to be good. Who do you think you are? Lindsay Lohan? she's jealous you're getting all the attention. well, you've certainly got mine. gimme more britney. gimme more.
-frogboy.

art attack

Kudos to weiyan (fat violet) charlotte and other candy pulpers for having their online shop website 'advertised' on Urban newspaper today! whoever who havent known about candypulp let alone article yet,should stop watching tv with patrick under that stone and breathe a little Urban air.
Anyways, I'm back with my digital traditional art using a screen tablet and a simple free software called windows journal. have changed my style abit again. i decided to ignore proportion and perfection although it is my habit. instead, i merely retain the same amount of controversy in the issues i draw about PLUS i decided to adopt boobookittyfuck-like 'thin' lines. you can observe a progression below. all are new work i did this evening till early night. art rocks! :)
when i do my art, i feel like i am playing mario kart on my DS lite.i feel that i have unlock a number of secret characters of life for all to see. joys!

its like for your lusty info, the titles of these amazing trickery of the eyeses:
1. i hate bullies
2. alls well that ends remember
3. till death do us part
4. kate moss and pete doherty
5. you suck

norwegian recycling

In case some of you have been a patrick aka living under a rock, the god of mashups NORWEGIAN RECYCLING is cool and have released a mash up of nelly furtado's say it right song with 50 cent's ayo technology. they have also mashed sean kingston's beautiful girls with other amazing songs like chasing cars from snow patrol. go check them out at be amazed. its cool.

A poem about a sloth that is me

'...A sudden disturbance evokes the urge to think
But the strong petition of daydreaming contained the latent quandary...'

A poem about a sloth that is me
Ignorance.
Laziness accompanies it suitably alongside
Often charmed by the eddy of music
Electro soul sessions of ecliptic rarity
Painted my silence

I note the glowing orbs that appeared and then,
Disappeared as magically as they came.
Lying tranquil
Eyes closed
I let my mind flowers blossom and flourish
Its aerodynamic precipitation crashes down with a single sound
Its icicle shards glistened too
Its aurora melts in the horizon
Its sea and sky becomes impossible to discern
They’re just shapes
Formed from my patterned wallpaper above.
Random
Maziac idleness
Laziness accompanies itmost suitably
Alongside.

A sudden disturbance evokes the urge to think
But the strong petition of daydreaming contained the latent quandary.
The absolutes prevailed
And I remained lying there...

some clothes

Music to listen now:

• The cardigans love fool
• Bob sinclar World Hold on (Children of the sky)
• Shapeshifters Lola's theme
• Ray charles i got women
• Paramore misery buisness
• Hi tek Say say say
• Ray charles and diana krall genius loves company
• Kate nash the nicest thing
• Sean kingston me love
• Telepopmusik into everything
• Gwen Stefani Florescent
• Jamiroquai feels just like it should
• The bird and the bee my fair lady
• Tatu clowns

Clothes
Some topman stuff i want. the grey marl plain tee shirt looks exactly like the army tee shirt which has material i really like. i know that the grey white pattern is really sickening especially to people serving army and has a poor reputation in pasarmalam stores for having the most gawdy fake prints, but i am really liking it plain grey and marled. no explainations more than that.
the brown carrying bag is just nice but i have no use for it.
the striped scarf as well.
and below of that,some nice polo tee by Hermes.

caged bird

I believe i have named a number of my poems Caged Bird, but i will use this title again for this next poem. I shall not let mere repetition ruin the aptness of the title for any written works by the Frog.

Caged Bird

My mind sloshes
With bullets in my brain
I shot them in myself
And embraced its enduring damage

Its love to me
A perfect world
A surreal realm very diverse from the agony here
I skip into this threshold everyday
And refuse to leave this refuge of enthralling semi consciousness
For just imagine, bottle capped delight
Recurring races with heightened senses
And hackneyed sniffles as sinuous as a tributary stream across the face
Only I can understand.

I grapple ever so firmly
Of the dream that its essence
would become more tangible than it ever was before.
Some days of a rare upon a rare
I would catch a pee shiver of something so close to real
I could even hear the breathing of the concept
It would flush my heart into a more comfy chasm
For an entire day or at least a few good hours
Like a little thrill in life that
Often gets elapsed by the nudges of realism
Hence wasted
Especially when the world falls back on you and all you see
Is that distant misapprehension
Sputter vaguely and then is gone.

Some days it vanishes before
I was even cognisant
Of its silent yet lumbering presence
And the sting of missing it by a feather
Lingers longer
Than any possible bodily harm.
This makes me prefer that desolate state of no breaths.
When the legitimacy of all the fallacy is disclosed
Just like a flower unfurling its toxic inner pestilence
To the bees it feeds.

I crash and burn
And I feel the pain of the bulletsin my brain
Wihch I no longer
Can withstand to embrace.
That too makes me prefer the state of no breaths
But that for now,
The sooner the better.

Lust, caution

your new cuckoo by the cardigans

It is known that public sex is one of the most thrilling and exciting thing to do for any couple. Today me and GQ saw 2 people having sex live. Yes it’s true. Its during the movie Lust,caution. No it was NOT the show which for your info, during the 2 and a half hours of Chinese speech, did not even reveal a cleavage or a milk bubble.
There was this ang moh and his petite chinese girlfriend at the far back corner of the theatre and what occurred caught my ‘innocent’ consciousness by surprise. Public acts of affection can go really far and this is the furthest i’ve seen. I shall describe. Girls should not continue reading for they’ll go eeeewwwwwwwwwww. i apologize for my curiosity and crude descriptions but i love to share good things. :-)
It began with kissing before the lights were off. Already we were giggling 2 rows in front of the couple. We were amused at how long they could actually sucked each other’s mouths. Soon the movie started and when Mak Tai Tai was calling out for Kuang about a plan to bring down Mr Yee, the lip locked girl’s feet rose higher and higher up into the air with carnal pleasures as the active catalyst. They also simultaneously backed it up onto the chair as they moved lower and lower into the crimson forest of seats where they both sat.
Our eyes kept diverting from the movie and to the interesting couple like a healthy head exercise. It annoyed our sit-besiders. Towards the part in the movie where she agreed to work as a spy playing mah-jong all day long,the lust brimmed ang moh was already leaning on her body and the girl’s propped up feet began to adorably flop like hopping bunny ears and jiggle. It was then when our attention was permanently diverted to the passionate couple to the other movie goer’s dismay for i admit we were quite noisy.
We saw her black pants pulled down abit by the ang moh and he started to ‘finger’ her as what GQ put it as. What i saw was his hand moving in and out between her squirmy legs. They were kissing continuously. Multitasking was never so sexy. Occasionally, the girl would peek at the movie with a wide smile on her face illuminated by the simultaneous ‘brighter’ scene of the movie wherelse i figured the ang moh was not really into movies.
Her writhing kicking feet and now also wriggling little toes show a certain bliss in her that told me she wasn’t violated and that she is totally loving erm his hand being in between the valley. Her tank top went up and yes we were bestowed with information where his other hand was. A while into the screen movie when the scenes begin to seem to keep getting soppy and sobby, the SPG’s 2 fingers were found to be in his mouth. I was learning. This was admittedly very sexy to watch. I wondered where the hand was before this but it was certainly unhygienic too. Soon their positions change like a stirring episode of ‘chao ji bian bian bian’. she started to move her hand vigorously in his pants. Its called a hand job. It was so real and gawdy. They kept knocking into the front chair and a poor couple was so stunned by the on going revelation (that they were inches from such an act), they moved seats. The passionate couple didn’t seem to care though. She was occasionally seen rubbing his right nipple and once, GQ was in an all time squirmy ecstatic high then and we burst out laughing. Luckily, it was a funny part of the movie and everyone laughed too. They were rocking so much on each other i believed more occurred but some movie cenes were darker than others, causing visibility of the action to be disrupted. They had round 2 after a short rest of no jerking and then they had another go towards the end of the movie. In between the rounds, the ang moh was either lying on her or they were kissing. Their kissing at times was rather rough as they rocked back and forth while at it too. I believe their tongues were doing some complex dance in their mouths. Sigh. Lust. Yet they took no caution. What irony. After the movie, they tried to look all normal and we trailed them abit to check out the shagged girl. She was so into the ang moh. She could not lay her hands off him. They kissed and groped all the way down the escalators. We felt we have seen all of this couple and soon lost interest. I now believe that LUST IS or plays a significant part in LOVE. Never doubt this fact of life and stop fooling yourself by saying LUST is wrong and all. When you like the girl, you like her passionately. Its instinct. Its hormones. Its sensual. Its love. Its sexual. Its lust. LOVE IS LUST WITHOUT DOUBT. Watch close and note. LOVE without LUST is mere friendship. Yup. FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE DIFFERS. Oh and on the way home, i realised the ang moh lives at lakeside. We lost the couple for a moment and i saw him leaving the same train i took at lakeside. He entered Cheers. Anyone who saw him never knew his deepest darkest lust caution secret except me. I realised that even people nearby have secrets and can be they really weird/sexy.

the wren

Against stirring movements and intensity
She appeared forlorn
Her glistening eyes gaped into the chasm where my sensitivity heightens.
She needed someone else.
That chinese kate moss
She stood up like subdued grace with a shamble
And her mini dress unravelled a tapestry of maroon roses and mint
Sensuous satin crinkled as my imaginary fingers followed the curves
Soft supple baby skin
Like a dream
Her bob nodded
And her drop dead gorgeous legs unfolded downwards itself thereafter
Subsequent skin muscle lines frisked under the crimson shadows against yellow
Tenderness and gentility dawned upon me about her like a waltz
I’m in love.

Dizzy drifting again

When no one cares by Junior Boys

The feeling of emptiness with God's absence is immense. A heavy heart drags on the floor as ants cockroaches and beetles await under the sofa to nibble burst it.
Bibles are boring. Christian books are passé for self help. I feel like the demon in the family. My house is so high up the building as i look down at the potential fall. Or i stroke the rough twine of a home made noose gently. The angel of death watches me with hands cupped at my neck and his breath of hopelessness breathed down my face and lungs. Religion is a blankness and it gives me a cold chill. Oh wallowing in my loneliness. Fuck all successes and potentials! Fuck all good and awesomeness for they do not last long nor do they capture an individual, as intense and ladened as sadness does. so lets might as well romanticize on sadness once in a while.
In my imperfection God blessed me. Death haunts from the bright creak along the dislodged bedroom door. Beer sits silently in my refrigerator awaiting my grip around their frosted necks. Sophomore electronica resounds from the computer making depression more enchanting.
The ceiling fan’s too cold. My muscles ache from my growing lack of healthy movement. Images of happy people flutter away from the muted television. What is going on here? I don’t understand. Gravity is wrong. Laws. Reality. Truths too. They swirl into a melting pot of huh.
My head is dizzy.

Stories

Dig these reveberations:
Golden Skans by Klaxons

The romantic type by the pidgeon detectives

Up the Brackets by libertines

Oh my. I had been doing a few Sudoku puzzles for fun on my DS. I solve Sudoku puzzles with an average timing of 5 minutes. I think i might be a genius.

kumar the queen was really funny. but it was a bit uncomfortable when they actually tried to promote faggosexuality which was very quah. made me a little bit more faggophobic when some of the audience shouted 'yeah!' loudly when kumar suggested about ******* ***** ****** the male dancers. i quickly looked to my sides to ensure i wasnt sitting beside a real queen for he/she'd be less funny than kumar i guess. i prefered kumar's political, social satires and jokes that was often intellectually funny. didnt enjoy the carabet portion at times as they get really draining on your concentration. the jay chou Secret movie is so draggy and lame. i knew she was a ghost from the first hint of such a possiblity. Jay Chou watched too much Sixth Sense or something.

I love to judge people and compare them with myself. I love to laugh at people who treat their results and exams more worrying than how they care about building a good and enriching soul with appreciation of life, and knowledge that is far more important than math or other crap despite one’s capability in them. It makes me feel unchained down by such secular behaviour but at the same time I do feel left out and unachieving. But achievement’s definition is not universal so hurrah to me. Plus, i believe i would have the last laugh when we all lie together on our deathbeds. I manage to squeeze out some enjoyment within my years here in this horrible world- more than YOU.

I love to question people who have such faith like a rock. I want to know their basis they put their faith on. Is it something that happened to them that fecundated their faith... Innocence.... Or someone with just a heightened sense of emotions, like girls in general who are everywhere littering the churches these days. (think 4 or 5 to 1 male ratio) . As mentioned,these are reasons to faith in which I don’t see much substance in, let alone those ‘ohnowhat havei beenthinking’ ones in God Delusion. We believe in God to satisfy a crying lonely purposeless heart as we live in a cold hard awful world. Its true. God serves so much purpose in an unforgiving world where He genuinely forgives. A world where no one can care all the time but He can as he is omnieverything. But what sense is there in this world really beyond: a person to love, a carrier to be secured to and a God to release all the problems brought forth from the mentioned. What makes everyone tick beyond the successes we build with our sweat and blood and watch it gets saturated and rot your inner soul... Or we can see it crumble and fall down as we scramble for another chance or the slightest glimpse of a hopeful ray amongst the towering debris of nothingness. Everything that goes past or falls on you is mere secular, scientific, fated ‘droppings’. I’m not being sad about life. Or depressing and sstuff but i feel that my mind has aged and seen so much sloth in potential speed, i get upset waiting. I wonder if this concept is understoodable... but this is my heart feeling now. Patience is needed in me these days.

Purpose driven strife
PDL begins their 40 days of growth with: ‘Everyone has a special Purpose’. I used to feel so much for the idea but after semi meditating on this concept. I feel that it is a tad too idealistic and clichéd. In fact it is a very suitable encouragement for the heartbroken or hopeless but not for those who see the gap in the apparent filler. Religion is a refuge and strength whether it makes sense or not. But now that i doubt in it, i find it hard to apply this soul healing concept to cure my loneliness, anxiety or other times of need. Our God answers prayers? Well from what i heard, so did allah, and other gods. There are many theological things i can slam but hey, it pains me and it makes your ears bleed so i shall roughly stop here. I’m not here to desperately turn all your darkness into light for you wandering light headed souls about life’s truths like Wobbly headed bob by Johnen Vazquez. I have heard many religious stories. None of which I feel are concrete. Especially when God’s touch is someting so foreign to me especially when knowledge of most of it are often as exaggerated as army BMT stories or passed down too much from person to person. Sometimes i feel i am barking up something that need not be barked upon. Sometimes i feel that i am just naive, thinking i know so much when i know barely anything. Sometimes i feel that i am so WRONG seeing THAT much HELP i’m getting. Think about it. Sometimes i feel i am looking for nothing. I am no longer seeking secular appreciation or acceptance anymore and am not seeking God’s refuge after trying out a number of days in the desert. My normal life is not hindered by becoming non Christian but my mental health is more negative than usual. Its the struggle to find sensibility in all the things that occurs nowhere and to no one else. To struggle with myself to fall into a soothing heart satisfying answer but no. Not yet. God never interfered. So i walk on. The devil didn’t attack me when i was weak by my own emotions unless my friend was right, saying that MY emotions WERE the devils’. Well okay if you say and think so. Life isn’t treating me very well. Friends are often not patient with my condition. Its either they are oblivious or they do not give much of a fucking shit. Its ok because i know i chose this route myself. I should worry about myself most and i plan to close what i started. Although i know that answers don’t come as easily as the issues i have unearthed from my deepest darkest. Sometimes I rather be with people who treat me with more deserved humane respect. But feelings and emotions are temporal and often, disposable rubbish things we rave and roll over. Its better to let go sometimes. Go drink a bit. Smoke a bit. Life’s realities get clearer under substance abuse. Problems become more literal. Your existence get more raw and you will feel more human than ever. Not a succeeding worker or a hardworking achieving girl but a human. A human. A human... sigh. So much words. I wonder who read this far. I’ve got so much to share. Ask my army mate i worship with in camp and he’ll tell you how long i can go on about things...

Parents have no idea. I don’t believe in others. I don’t take refuge in anyone except myself for if you have observed, a mind cannot explain itself. I tried as you cans see by the length of this post. But it is often to no avail. I could post here about the same thing everyday like 5 months ago but i do believe no one online could even connect with me yes? Well, god never replied to me too nonetheless.
1. I don’t seek understanding.
2. I do not see myself as the beacon of truth about reality to confuse.
If they take my words in such hostility then they are overly lopsided in their minds. (Open up a button or two lah.)They can’t even think straight but instead think like a narrow curvy path like Christian walk! They really could find refuge in god’s wings but somehow the wings were too encompassing that they see no other possibilities to even begin with.

Somehow i get tired of living aka 2 months ago and on, because its the only way i could really prove god’s really there. Think about it. Life’s greatest relief. Freedom of flight as a ghost! With no nagging worries about education and carrier... no pressure to be anything other than feeling... at this rate, i might die with no god in my heart. Am i prepared to face afterlife in case there is one? But worrying about going to hell makes me hypocritical but i guess when i go to hell, i would mix with muslims and others who never got much chance to see the Light as easily as fortunate me, bhuddist monks who did so much good yet were doing for the wrong deity, the earnest people who tried and led great and respectable lives but ended up not believing in the extreme good due to our shared ‘naivety ‘, the offbeats and people who actually had the courage to commit suicide. I probably could relate to them all. But yes its a bit extreme i admit but hey its so true to my heart. Life sucks. I think gassing myself in the car by sleeping in it overnight with engine on, is a good way to end things. Less bloody. Another way is to become wasted for good. i admire drunkards. Such happy people without a care in the world. Would heaven be like this? But of course you won’t want to die because you’ve got god so easily and accessibly. He makes your decisions, speaks to you in visions and Word. He answers your prayers all the time! You are happy pursuing your earthly dreams and desires and beliefs while i romanticize on the lack of. I don’t condemn you and i rejoice at your child like innocence and naivety about lifes’ cold hard emptiness. I just aint as simple. I don’t INDULGE in the career race you all conform to in this fucked up country. Right or wrong whether you think i’m taking care of myself or the latter, i feel that hey, you live your life while i have a lonely adventure exploring the depths and nooks of philosophy and psychology by myself and die satisfied by the journey i have travelled. Mentally.
More knowledge to spill to you soon. I lost my notebook of it.

レンズがしっかり運動会用ですね。
整然としていて、いかにも日本の学校、という感じがします。

random things I love

I love helicopters. Sexy creatures of the air. Kill me with your blades.
I love birds. I wish you fly like helicopters. That way you’d be God’s perfect creation.
I love damselflies too. I catch them when i was young. Regretted tearing off their wings in the school garden after each encounter with them. The moon moans for them every night by singing the song of life.
I love non flowering plants. Like ferns. So understated their beauty. Like a beautiful sad girl who was present for a moment and then lost by the gathering of public transport commuters.
I love frogs. Duh. My soul is a frog. You can hear it. Sometimes. When I burp.
I love eggs. Especially the yolk. So subtle and round. Cute. Like a yellow pug.
I love electronic. Static synthesizer sounds. Like retro future. Pure psychedelic drugged esctacy.
Lastly I love sadness. There is so much wisdom and thought when people romancing with it. Gives you a magical lump in your throat.

lessons from emomonster #01