truisms again.

men first needs needs to learn how to
win and then more importantly how to lose.
christians suffer and not have success like stability, health or a good family etc. God is only unfair secularly. for these are not successes. successes to God is having a close relationship with Him. our faith is the real success.
prayer changes circumstances most visibly in issues that are the most death defying.
God's sucesses would never become saturated unlike secular successes like love, money, health etc. secular joys are temporal and unsustainable.
its embarrassing to get slained during worship... :P

train trip number 4

He ignores his son. she checks her bag of it's contents and packs them into
a plastic bag and finally putting it back into the bag. a boywields a batminton
racket while an older person parades a canoeing paddle. a man squats on the
ground because he is tired of his day at work, his life and his wife. another
smells just of old tar. he listens to his ipod and plays with his psp
lifelessly. she wears a shirt 'tell me again why do i need a boyfriend beside
her boyfriend. he ponders on the questions he knows would never be of use in his
future endevours. she hugs her coach bag because it's a comfortable body
position. she holds the pole with both her hands for onemight not take her
weight. he offers a packet of tissue to a girl who had a runny nose. she
chatters away on her phone in her own world of detached closeness of a realm of
two people. he wears a yellow ribbon not to support a 2nd chance but because he
wants to be seen supporting a 2nd chance. an old man in apolo and smart pants,
leather belt and shoes stands with his hands tucked and face looking to a
defined 'away'. everybody clings on a thin line of sainity here; in singapore.

write on

well from what you can observe, I've been quite influenced by magazines. i find myself becoming a free lance journalist wannabe. very amateur and immature and often insensible and insensitive but i feel this is more artistic this way. a cut of randomness is frogboyness and hence tasteful dadaism; like how an old lady scratches her butt. in mags like arena, august, lexean or GQ, people are paid to write what they think and these are at times accompanied by illustrations. i am very drawn to that at the moment. words and the literary content they encompass plus their human opinions of everything under the sun is great. these could even change one's opinion of things or give new insights to readers. i do not seek to become an equivalent of a journalist but often when i write, i feel i am just killing some form of inner urge to speak, shout or whisper. i talk a lot in my heart more than outside. often i forget what i thought and i get :( because i cannot recall certain revelations that surfaced. writing eases my artistic pursuits when time is not on my side or when it is inconvenient to produce drawings amidst activities. hence i use language as the vessel to portray. considering no one except friends read my blog or the occasional pop byer who reads frogboychickenrice.blogspot, i feel i am nothing against the readership of other journelistic materials. what i write gets lost in layers over layers of ecyclopediacal bombardment of crappy websites like perezhilton or bryanboy. but that never troubles my mind. what i write is most important to me to recollect and reminise and you too reading now as well. with a note book in hand or a hand phone with note storing function i opinionate what i see. people and their behavior being an interest of mine, gives me alot of things to say and ask like why do they do this, or why do they present themselves like that. in a way i am also interested in their psychology and how they work in ways that seems so odd. like how currently i see a woman wearing a shirt embossed with a motif saying "breakdown shining". in what way does that in any concept or rationality make the slightest sense to anything? thats the beauty of life. the authenticity of its randomness. like the Black swan theory. or a Red Herring in literary context. i love people. their authentic methods of movement and behaviour. every utter and twitch are so intriguing to me. so here i go writing writing writing...

melvin defines materialism in men

why buy? this is a question some ask me when i go on extravagant trips to the mall.
i would say why ask?
as much shopping is of a girl's activity, so is going to the beach, enjoying one self and having fun is of also, a guy's. so nothing odd in particular since the rise of metrosexualism, where men begin to adopt styles they penchant(eg. mod topman/prep JC/ah beng Kelvin and Samuel/jock new urban male) and care about their outer appearance. no longer is this the generation of baleno or hang ten. instead we minimally see a bear billabong-style, if you get what i mean. and from billabong the only way is up the fashion ladder (sad to say.)like to ripcurl then stussy, levi's, pull and bear, zara, raulph lauren jeans co., A&X, guess etc. this may not apply if you stop going out or are nerdishly addicted to computer games 24-7 or are faithful (refer to 'Melvin defines faith'). hence we see the materialism trap and the chains of branding begin to play with our hearts. that's materialism. walk down orchard road and you find no guy wearing a tee shirt from a pasar malam(road side stalls) with no fear logos on it or some lame cartoon characters anymore. now, we do see guys wearing cartoon characters but they are probably vintage tees from Queens Couture or Pull & Bear.
materialism is a meaningless money wasting mental disease. something easy to catch. like a contagious disease or even an addiction. imbued since the first day your mother brought you to giordano to choose new year's day clothes or when you soon see your peers are getting more friends for they look more presentably sociable than you; hence more popular than you and you want a piece of that status. how a man's style conversion took place depends on the individual but one thing's for sure, men's reason to dress up and materialise is different from why women do. we have ulterior motives like we want to make a statement or that we want to follow a certain culture and represent. we are also more competitive and often not look for beauty but power and status of the garment like how much richer i'd look with this lacoste polo or how much cooler i'd become wearing this num singlet that says 'canoeing polo'. we dress up also for the opposite sex to be attracted to as well and show that we can look suave at moments too. women dress up to make other women jealous all the time. men do not care about the brands girls wear at all for honestly i do not know any except that U.R.S brand in which i rmb because it is such a stupid name for a store that sounds like 'you are an ass', or whether their LV bags are real for seriously i myself personally wont give a s*** unless she's pretty.
the way you dress admittedly often result in the friends you mix with vice versa. men take the short cut and rather buy content or status in society through branding they wear upon themselves or styles they carrytheir way around things as how women can whine through. for many are not good at talking . from cars to clothes to country clubs to the girl next to them, status is important to rest assure their comforts of their sensitive ego.
spending can be stress relieving and an expensive hobby but it is still an effective stress reliever for it's power encompassing nature. the ability to keep something attractive makes one feel a sense of achievement and power to bring home something for others and oneself to savor in appreciation of it's beauty and take great care of it and wear it. often the more expensive the thing is, the more you love it.a Dunhill $1135 messenger bag is Gold. it however is a rather selfish hobby for it benefits no one else but you. not even God. He is not impressed at all at your Raoul shirt and Country Road tie you self loving bastard. but this habit is less severe a problem compared to computer addiction. computer addiction wastes time and money while buying takes money only. time is money so gaming spends doubly more. materialism is a social activity and you leave the house and see sunlight unlike staying in the den of one's room to play WOW. clothes give a more realistic outlook of what life is all about unlike the gaming which are virtually orientated. clothes are accumulative and the content of computer games are often than not temporal and hence not worth the effort. they give all men a better front image and gives ppl good impressions of the individual as someone who bothers to groom oneself and care about his outer appearance hence ppl can draw links about one's materialism with one's responsibility.
think about it now:
if materialism is so stupid, why is so many people stuck in it?
if materialism is to be avoided, how are we able to evangelize effectively when our social status is affected by that?
do read May month's Arena magazine page 56 and 57 by Neil Humpphrey: "what it takes to be a real man".

fashions fade, style's eternal. -yves saint laurent

wacomania

what will she say?

MRT ride home 2

20th April 2007, ride home from Changi.

Looking to the left, his eyes are still behind his silver framed glasses. mouth opened revealing his buck toothed persona of unintentional hideousness. accompanied by heavily gelled hair, his image personified a childhood of taunts. this is dramatically crystallized through the wimpish manner he huddles over his sun faded bag he definitely got as the door gift for National Day 2001. His flip flops hung loosely by his toes slobbishly. He occasionally swings his body back and forth in an effort to keep blood flowing on his train ride . His hand holds onto his nokia as if awaiting a call- that would never come.

-

A predictable wannabe of zero charismic caliber stands akin to a fire extinguisher of the train. His face horrendously pot-marked, he remains looking tough and macho as much as possible in case a girl who happens to glance at him would catch him in a suave poise.Sadly, his distasteful nike dunks accompanied his dark blue jeans and fake hard rock cafe tee shirt. His hands snugged in his pocket demonstrates his immature mindset as well as a tint of inner insecurity that makes his outer look fail terribly. He remains his performance for nobody to see positively at.

zoot woman

Zoot woman is an electronica band. a very laid back sound with experimental synths. also quite retro but well fitted with a futuristic edge. with guitar and drum basics that make it a tad easy listening towards pop. many have been Zoot woman fan electronica converts.
have a listen at their jukebox


grey day is one one my fav songs.


this video it's automatic is kick ass! damn funny.


living in a magazine.

Majesty

17th April 2007. in the bunk, beside window 5 minutes to stand by area

amidst the hectic commotions of life
the running around
the talking about
the activities done and doing
i abruptly stop
and
close my eyes.
at the window looking out towards
the sky; i sing
Majesty. Majesty.
Your grace has found me just as i am
Empty handed but alive in your Hands.
I am glad i am in your presence
as You still watch me.

melvin defines corporate politics

the scheming slyful and cunning ways to be successful in your workplace and to ensure your promotion, do note certain tips. note the core values i focus on is attitude and exposure. small steps make big diffs. apply it to the RIGHT vocation.

attitude: be sacrificial and helpful.
sucking up to direct associates and colleagues are of paramount importance! they might be arrogant and undeserving to help but still, help anyway. I've learn that, it goes a long way.
also share with your associates without complaint. from lending pens to many little favors. endure all behavior and never be impatient with assholes to get more favorable impressions of oneself. always be nice to them. ask them "so how are you?"

exposure: quantity over quality.
upon joining your new company, do make as may friends as possible, get as many good impressions of yourself as possible. this secures no waging of tongues behind your back as well as assures greater exposure of your potential.

attitude/exposure: volunteer
to get attention from superiors and managers, always ensure your voice is heard. any favors they need or require assistance, always volunteer. they will know your name and soon note you down in their annual board meetings.

attitude: do the best in your job scope and be the best among your direct associates
your job is to do A make sure you do more than others doing the same job to ensure a good impression from colleagues. they talk alot and to an extent determines your promotion.

exposure: be well equipt.
have items to lend others to gain favor. like an umbrella on a rainy day. be a friend in deed for the friend in need. that grants you good impressions.

attitude: be alert and always appear to be.
ensure your acts of good are within eye of the powered. helping, acts of kindness and stuff, do it with earnesty especially in front of members of the board. even if you are not doing work, always appear to be doing overtime, seemingly doing other people's work and vaguely helping around.

exposure: organize
do organize outings with colleagues during offs and weekends. movies or dinners, would get yourself a personal touch with close colleagues, giving yourself quality impressions. the smaller the group the easier the job.

flightless bird

i live under scrutiny of others of angered hatred.
wrath of imperfection engulfs me.
i look into my heart which tried his best
but look into my heart of a terrible beast?
i break down in that confusion.

i am a flightless bird trapped in a cage
with no intention of escape
but for a little bit more freedom
to excercise my wings.

i am also bird trapped in a cage
unable to experience the flight in the great beautiful sky
i am stuck behind bars of unbreakable material
the desire to, the inability to, the eternal dread.

i am a flightless bird trapped in a cage
wishing to fly away from this wretched place.

melvin defines faith

faith. please give this a read.

1. a substance of things hoped for; evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)
2. the obligation of loyalty or fidelity to a person, promise, engagement.
3. the trust in God and in His promises as made through Christ and the Scriptures by which humans are justified or saved.
4. belief that is not based on proof; for example: 'He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.'

an irrefutable answer for all my religious questions then? this is to all who convieniently told me, "faith is the answer to your questions melvin." this is to tell you that faith is NOT a convienient ANSWER to any questions.
i decided to meditate on the word faith for 5 days. this means, eating, sleeping and breathing everything 'faith'. i have came out with some revelations that helps me to better understand what faith is.

What do i think faith is? analogically, faith is like you trust-falling(falling backwards) blindfolded into your friend's arms. Your friend might be there or might not be there to catch you but you wouldn't know. you might feel afraid naturally to fall backwards in fear of getting hurt but you still do it because you know your friend would be there for you. similarly, you might not feel that God is there at times but you can still know he is there at the same time. that is having faith in your Friend. and having such faith is not easy at all for in the illustration, it also perfectly encapsulates how dangerous a risk 'faith' is. for faith in God requires a 100% life change in oneself and rules your entire being. faith hence is also a worth while risk in life. think abt it.

i believe that faith holds no feelings. in fact, feelings and faith are polar opposites and ultimately dissimilar. feelings are fluctuating in nature unlike faith and it should never win you over from faith. feelings are mood-controlled and are a submission to one's inner insecurities but faith is sustainance itself; usually effortless. back to the example not trust falling into your friend's hands shows that you have submitted to your emotions and denied your faith in your friend.

see the logic:
a shaky faith = emotion based relationship = unfaithfulness ie no faith at all.

as said you wont fully get hard secular evidence of God's existence or ever understand the concept 'God'. but is this faith a convenient cover up for many ppl to put off what cannot be explained? is faith merely an unquestionable hence unfair full-stop to any doubts of the belief? no.

sadly this thing i don't have yet, called faith, is my key to my friendship with God. and i have been trying to develop it.

faith i realized is so exclusive because of the abuse of this concept. men of faith is hard to come by. even in the bible, unfaithfulness caused Jesus His death.
adding on faith is not faith when you get a temporal spiritual high after a miracle. for then, faith would be easy. when your emotionsa re of an all time high because you have been cured of say, a deadly disease, you will be thankful. but does not cause your faith to grow for it is a temporal event. your spiritual life could never be the same again but you do not become spiritually faithful so easily. after all, Godly faith is unlike secular-relational faith.
faith is not faith when faith is used as an answer to a difficult God related question. this is blind faith. it is forced, leading to a poor understanding of God and purpose.

faith i believe is a monumental achievement of a developmental journey; a testimony of one's spiritual condition. and not many ppl in the world today have it at all. why it is an achievement is because it is hard to achieve.it defines one's personal spiritual tenacity. spiritual sustainance requires an unshakable close relationship with God. a close relationship with God requires us to fend off sins which are mostly secular joys.and to abstain temptations from sin, one would have replaced the temptations for the appreciation of Godly joys.and doing so requires much persevering detachment from worldly wants and strong biblical devotion which may start by merely putting in effort in bible reading, listening to sermons every Sunday and particularly leading a Christ-like life.

this spiritual outlook in life makes life easier and happier for you know in this horrible world what matters more. faith then has a meaning. faith then does become a substance of things hoped for and believably be the evidence of things not seen.

oh and faith still allows us to get upset with God or cry over his decisions he made for your life.
i want a tattoo with the word faith on my chest. really.

mansion morbidness

Mansion Over The Hilltop (edited)

One of the most morbid hymns i've heard so far in my life has just been remade to suit me.

I'm satisfied with just a cupboard box below
With no silver and no gold
But in that city where the most secular will shine

I want a gold mansion that's silver lined

I’ve got a mansion just over the hilltop
In that bright land where we'll never grow old
And some day yonder we will never more wander

But walk on streets that are purest gold

I'm poor and deserted and lonely
I'm discouraged yet I’m heaven bound
I'm a mere pilgrim in search of the city
I want a mansion, a harp and a crown

I’ve got a mansion just over the hilltop
In that bright land where we'll never grow old
And some day yonder we will never more wander
But walk on streets that are purest gold.

Easter is more than the bunny and the egg.
i beleve its how the hungry bunny who tried to cook the egg
for its meal could not eat the egg for the egg cracked into a bird that
bird flew up into the sky into the heavens, where the world was never the same
again.

it's not cheating

infidel
However, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis. and enough blood to run one at a time.
-Robbie Williams

forbidden love, fling or nothing, blur lines of commitment others call it infidelity. whatever it is, men cheat and become unfaithful because many have various definitions on what is considered as 'cheating'. is a lap dance cheating? what abt thinking about another woman many times? phone sex?
wherever the lines are drawn ,when a male gets married, we simply do not stop getting attracted by other women. Thats the most unnatural thing in the world. to married men, its possible to say that doing so is a daily fight against nature.

note the following:
in US, 5 % of husbands are fully satisfied with their wives.

note the following:
32% of men consider lap dance cheating.

many women do not find any trouble in this realm for their mode of cheating does not revolve between their legs but the condition of their heart. women want security and hands to stay safe and stable in. hence the reason for courtship unlike men's reason.married women may find refuge in other women for security/assurance/strength. women may also seek their male friends for love, safety and support (unsexually), causing their little affair to not be as severe as the affair men are bound to involve themselves in. however is that considered an affair? its true women's affairs are more forgivable and less severe for emotions are temporal and their 'flings' revolve around that. and not any where else.

'in your pants is cheating, not in your pants is not cheating' = you should not be in a relationship at all.

random stuff

How Lush 99.5 saved my life.
The cold hot then cold floor of the room where i lay in anguish of discomfort and a persistent itch. tossing and turning became my sleeping position.
upon placing my earphones, the sensuous sensual sounds serenade my soul to sleep and slumber. hence, this is how i manage to sleep past every torturous night.
-
I also realized art had also fried my brains.
I was reminded by nat a moment ago on msn... i also want to thank great and amazing friends from childhood, church, school and NS. thanks for loving me for who i am (or seeming so for thy own peculiar end.) i missed you peeps sorely.
-
Seated in the stadium, 1000000 audience members await my knowledgeable words of wisdom up stage.
and i spoke:" if ants were edible, all world's poverty would inevitably end!"
and the entire hall resounded in an overwhelming applause for my words.
-
Leon Is A Sad Man.

ride home personalities

5th April 2007 MRT ride home to lakeside.

This is about another girl I saw on the train. Her eyes were as small and insignificant as her presence. looking down upon herdull peach pink skirt of length below the knee. Hands mousely clutched to her safe coloured handbag. She stares into a blank abyss, with face expressionless; yet tells of a life of monotonous turmoil. She remains in a dark nook of a carriage, keeping as silent and invisible as possible. the woman beside her doses off.

(a minute after writing this down, i looked up and she was abruptly replaced by a fat man, gone. )

-

From her silver stilettos,i was looking up all the way to her face. she stared right back in silent confrontation. i was taken aback for awhile but i was relieved upon realization regarding her spasmic darting of her eyeballs from person to person as if judging them and analyzing their every reason for everything with squinted eyes behind thick frames. She was also doing so with a permanent smile as stiff as her brown business jacket; she stands up now and leaves the train in a confident scurried-strut out of the train.

frankness integrity righteousness

Intense frankness is not wrong.
Melvin? why are you so frank about what you perceive about God stuff and religious issues? aren't you afraid of spiritual reaction that might come?
well in the bible friends of God are always honest with their feelings. they are often complaining, second guessing , accusing, and arguing with the Creator. God isnt bothered with frankness. (but maybe the crudeness) in fact he encourages it. God allowed Abraham to question and challenge him over the destruction of the city of Sodom . Abraham pestered God over what it would take to spare the city, negotiating God down from 50 righteous ppl down to only 10.
God also listened patiently to david's many accusations of unfairness, betrayal and abandonment. god did not slay Jeremiah when he claimed that God had tricked him. Job was allowed to vent his bitterness during his ordeal, and in the end, God defended Job for being honest, and he rebuked Job's friends for being unauthentic. In fact God told them:"You havent been honest either with me or about me-not the way my friend Job has... my firned Job will now pray for you and I will accept his prayer." Job 42:7-8. Jacob said, "i will not let u go unless you bless me." and God let him 'win'.
In one startling example of frankness God honestly expresses his total disgust in Isreal's disobedience. God let moses know exactly what he felt. Moses responded:" look you tell me to lead this ppl but you dont let me know whom you're gg to send wif me... if im so special 2 u let me in on your plans... dont 4get this is Your ppl, Your responsibilty... if your presence doesnt take the lead here, call this trip right off now! How else will I know that you're with me on this, with me and Your ppl? are you travelling with us or not?..."The God replied, "alright. just as you say; i'll do. for i know u well and you are special to me." (exodus 33:12-17, The Message Version)
thus I think God can handle my frank intense honesty from me. God isnt offended when we 'wrestle' with Him. cos wrestling requires personal contact and brings us close to Him. it is a passionate activity and God loves it when we are passionate with Him. (PS there is a line btwn such activity and rude activity. i do not curse God. i question His rationales/realism/etc out of passion for Him. )
-

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart
and all your soul and with all
your mind and with all your strength."

Never argue about whether you are allowed to speak in tongues/jump/raise hands/stand in silence/certain rituals etc. there are Christians who are naturalists, sensates, traditionalists, activists, contemplatives, caregivers, enthusiasts and intellectuals. which are you btw? God created many types of worship as there are many types of ppl. however worship should encapsulate:

Accuracy.
we cannot create our own comfortable or politically correct image of God and worship it.that's idolatory. also never put worldly activities tgt with Godly activitys. what i mean is always draw the line. like i do believe gg to hillsong/delirious? concerts causes us to confuse ourselves with what we are worshiping. and are we moved by the holy spirit or moved by the music.

Authenticity.
Integrity test:

1. what do you look up to in church?
2. when is your happiest time there?
3. what is on your mind most of the time?
4. what's the thing you most remember about in church?

i struggle to focus on how my Sundays should be devoted to.
in some services many people i observed come to dress up/socialize/show off instrumental or vocal skills/their schooling status/social connections/even to show their intellect, intelligence or charisma. often, they are the more popular peeps in church and everybody loves them. but does Jesus love that aspect of their involement in church? you know some even seem to be so holy. but was Jesus ever so secularly attractive to win souls over or to spread the good news?
PS: some of these ppl are poor role models, despite their status. eg: pastor/ mentor /leader /member.

Thoughtfulness.
i hate pastors/ppl who chant 'hallelujah...hallelujah...' or 'amen...amen...' or 'praise the Lord...(x100). some often say them in vain repetitions that soon become cliches and overused. Effortless, this easily becomes an insult to God. Besides God introduces to us Himself in many diff names 4 Himself. the song heart of worship is written by a pastor who banned worship music in his church for a period so as to explore other ways to worship God.

Practicality
Do not worship or serve or please God for yourself. shift focus off yourself. if your Christian walk is comfortable, you're not worshiping God practically. these are Sunday Christians. you need to sacrifice some part of you. love your God with all your strength, which involves strain/effort/energy.

little did she know

Outside Lavender MRT station beside ICA building towards beach road.

little did he know
she was there
little did he know
she was there with another
little did he know
he stll had feelings for her
little did she know
he turned around and left in fear that he might land up in the most awkward position.
or that he might just punch that other guy up.
little did he know
she was merely a disgusting piece of bitch who doesnt deserve his love.

broken inside fullstop

3rd April 2007, low rope training shed outside cookhouse.

my tears have fallen
my heart blackened and sagged
my hands no longer serve my best
body bent and drooped
my head looks to the ground

i think i have nothing now.

God's light should've shone down more often.

losing with pride

2nd April 2007, lecture theatre. dreaming.

What was done was done with no regrets;
although it was purely stuffed with relentless self influence and nagging self psyching to positively overcome (a hurdle that is self created) what was initially deemed as unrighteous, undeserving and unfair , i failed to realize i was merely wanting 'it' and not 'needing' it.
this ending was unknowingly a blessing. still, my performance was done with no regrets at all.

what i have is what they do not want.
what i have that they wanted was merely what they failed to see.
-
Have you ever wanted to be better than you already are but it also makes you someone you're not. yet you want to be so because everyone sees it as great. wouldn't this make the better you want possibly double something you shouldn't have?

Not heeding to what others perceive as great over what you personally penchant is hard.
Likewise have you realised how hard it is to please God when it doesn't please men?

'Hard' sounds like a lame excuse that should be inexcusable but have you ever been so angry before? or that you have been so tempted? have you ever needed to lie to move on as per normal? analogically it is not easy to be yourself for yourself.

admit it ppl.
life sucks. :)

The Silent Revolution

The Silent Revolution

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs, but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have for it's not them but God you're doing for anyway.

So true, its like driving across the street and seeing a huge sign board saying what your heart has always yearned to say...













...