sorry i skipped the first 4 days. on the 4th day aka yesterday, i had to go back because the side-effects were unbearable.
but that was just one thing.
at night i gathered my toughts about something else.
i had to bid farewell to something i destroyed and i will never see again.
i've tried to mourn but instead i went to run at my house downstairs
along the canal, 6 lengths.
made me feel abit better.
farewell.
farewell.
farewell my love.
my heavy heart is testimony of your love for me.
i'm sorry love for i killed you.
thanks for the memories.
now i can sit there and stare into space forlong periods of time.
now i can have a heavy burden within me as i live on day to day
it has always been my fault.
myold lovers will know.
i have hurt you so much
plus you have been so silent
i actually don't feel a thing
and i'm sorry about that too.
but know what?
every living day you were with me somewhere
warm from my touch
now that i killed you
everyday i will miss you.
never be the same again.
today i could be so happy
but i took a loong time
and wrote this sad note
just for you.
6 minutes later...
God maybe i have not tortured myself enough. maybe you want me to mould me into an unrecognizable statue i won't even recognize in the mirror anymore. but i'll still do it.
it might be the last of what i love the most. it may even steal my talent away but i'm sure You will be happy because i did it and I will have a chance in heaven again.
Of coure its a sacrifice for the greater good in me.
sometimes this statement above, is said in sarcasm, sometimes it's truth. whichever, i'm too numb to this ordeal to care.
12 minutes later...
ok i get it. i'll try. maybe these things happen to me to make me learn.
Fortunate me:
Somedays i wish i was someone else.
i don't want to die,
but i want to do something to myself,
to make sure i feel so.
i am careless
i am irresponsible
i need to learn.